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Editor: Ken Nason Features Editor: Harold Armitage Storridge reporter: Vacancy Cradley reproter: Vacancy Mathon reporter: Vacancy
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No 22
Thoughts from the bench
1st Sept 2021
I have long ago resigned myself to the facts of advancing years and how my lifestyle has had to change accordingly. Being a person of what I would describe as medium intelligence and with a sprinkle of common sense gained over the years I can normally fathom out with some relaxed deep thought ( the answer was 42 of course) the reasons behind most things. Why do cables, rope and string conspire to trip you up and tangle themselves when coiled and placed neatly in boxes for storage? After much deliberation I cracked that one. GREMLINS! Those little creatures of mischief who until you reach a certain age are confined to the inside of machinery and computers. After 65 they come and live with you! No don’t laugh they really do! A recent matter came to my notice and had been creeping up on me for some considerable time with great stealth and as such mostly un-noticed. I put it down to my failing aptitude and changes in dexterity and muscle power but it has suddenly dawned on me that it ain’t me it it those pesky companies who look upon us as cash cows for their product sales. It all started with my total inability to get access to a pack of my favourite biccies to enjoy whilst sipping my coffee. Several attempts to break through the plastic force field that encapsulated the said treasure trove had me resorting to attacking it with a kitchen knife that had I been observed in the street would no doubt have warranted the attendance of a trojan unit and a sound tasering. The next clue was a nice chocolate ice cream wafer wrapped in a nice white package. Now these are normally accessed with a firm tearing of the top end to expose the delight within. Not on your life! Un-tearable. Noticed a flap running longways down the ice cream. Aha! need to pull this to one side to rip it open says I. Nah! Then on detailed examination i see a small black square which if you put your thumb on you are allowed to rip the article open. Amazing almost a combination lock on an ice cream how mankind has advanced. Next came the BBQ and taking my right full place as Alpha cooking male the meat was presented by her who is blessed in hermetically sealed plastic containers with clear plastic covers so you cant see that the steak which looks delicious is in fact, only 10 microns thick. No problem grab the corner and peel back the cover. Don’t be silly it will not be dislodged from the tray in which the meat is residing. It is impervious to all attempts with the exception of puncturing with a sharp knife and slicing all round to get what you paid for. I have now discovered that almost all packaging has been made almost impossible to remove. In my small world , I would think that in the world of commerce it would be in the interest of the seller to get you in there as quickly as possible and consume so you are ready to buy another one. Perhaps it is a way of reducing responsibility for plastic waste by forcing people to give up and put the item back in the fridge or the freezer but I feel I may be over engineering that one a bit. God, I need a drink……if I can get the plastic off the top of the bottle! and the cashew nuts out of the bag!
The online magazine for Cradley, Storridge & Mathon
editor@okcradley.com
Editor: Ken Nason Feature Editor: Harrold Armitage Correspondents: Storridge Reporter: Vacancy Cradley Reporter: Vacancy Mathon Reporter: Vacancy
Thoughts from the bench
1st Sept 2021
No 22
Contents
I have long ago resigned myself to the facts of advancing years and how my lifestyle has had to change accordingly. Being a person of what I would describe as medium intelligence and with a sprinkle of common sense gained over the years I can normally fathom out with some relaxed deep thought ( the answer was 42 of course) the reasons behind most things. Why do cables, rope and string conspire to trip you up and tangle themselves when coiled and placed neatly in boxes for storage? After much deliberation I cracked that one. GREMLINS! Those little creatures of mischief who until you reach a certain age are confined to the inside of machinery and computers. After 65 they come and live with you! No don’t laugh they really do! A recent matter came to my notice and had been creeping up on me for some considerable time with great stealth and as such mostly un-noticed. I put it down to my failing aptitude and changes in dexterity and muscle power but it has suddenly dawned on me that it ain’t me it it those pesky companies who look upon us as cash cows for their product sales. It all started with my total inability to get access to a pack of my favourite biccies to enjoy whilst sipping my coffee. Several attempts to break through the plastic force field that encapsulated the said treasure trove had me resorting to attacking it with a kitchen knife that had I been observed in the street would no doubt have warranted the attendance of a trojan unit and a sound tasering. The next clue was a nice chocolate ice cream wafer wrapped in a nice white package. Now these are normally accessed with a firm tearing of the top end to expose the delight within. Not on your life! Un-tearable. Noticed a flap running longways down the ice cream. Aha! need to pull this to one side to rip it open says I. Nah! Then on detailed examination i see a small black square which if you put your thumb on you are allowed to rip the article open. Amazing almost a combination lock on an ice cream how mankind has advanced. Next came the BBQ and taking my right full place as Alpha cooking male the meat was presented by her who is blessed in hermetically sealed plastic containers with clear plastic covers so you cant see that the steak which looks delicious is in fact, only 10 microns thick. No problem grab the corner and peel back the cover. Don’t be silly it will not be dislodged from the tray in which the meat is residing. It is impervious to all attempts with the exception of puncturing with a sharp knife and slicing all round to get what you paid for. I have now discovered that almost all packaging has been made almost impossible to remove. In my small world , I would think that in the world of commerce it would be in the interest of the seller to get you in there as quickly as possible and consume so you are ready to buy another one. Perhaps it is a way of reducing responsibility for plastic waste by forcing people to give up and put the item back in the fridge or the freezer but I feel I may be over engineering that one a bit. God, I need a drink……if I can get the plastic off the top of the bottle! and the cashew nuts out of the bag!